So far....

Well so far I am doing pretty well. I have had three reasonable meals everyday this week.

I had "the talk" with DH yesterday. Obviously he could see some of what I do even if it is just the empty wrappers that I would hide around the house. I had a mild panic attack after saying some of this out loud. Afterwards I went to the grocery store - I did really well there! I did not buy anything that was not on the list & nothing to Binge on in the parking lot. (yes I do that a lot!)

I called the first therapist on my list and she doesn't have any openings. I found a great one after that but she doesn't take insurance. I will be trying to call my insurance company this week to see if they allow reimbursement. She deals with all of my issues - infertility, eating, depression. I am really hoping this works out.

Weight of my Whole World

My world is pretty heavy. But you know what - so am I! This blog is about my struggle with my weight - so it will be filled with all of the food I do eat and all the food I don't eat. I know how what I should and shouldn't eat - I know how I should exercise the problem is doing all the things I know I should. Part of the problem is I am lazy - it is so much easier to make the dinner from a box with a zillion calories - less things to buy at the grocery store and less time in the kitchen. It is so much easier to sit on my butt and watch tv than to go walk on the treadmill. The other problem is more difficult for some people to understand. I am really just coming to terms with it myself - I self medicate with food. It wasn't until I was reading posts from a message board I belong to about how some people self-medicate with alcohol. (and woo hoo to those that recognize that and put a stop to it!) Their stories really stuck with me and I have been turning it over and over in my head and never really giving much thought to why I was so stuck on it - until last night.

DH and I got into an arguement last night as we were going to bed. I was still so mad and couldn't let it go. I was sooooooo pissed and I had to virtually restrain myself from getting up out of bed and getting the Hershey's kisses that I had packaged up to go to work today. (I also wanted to take back the ones I has stashed in DH's bag because I didn't want to be nice to him!) Then I started fantasizing about getting the Hershey's kisses and stashing them around the house so I could eat them on the sly. Light bulb went off! This is what alcoholics do! They hide alcohol around the house so they can drink in secret! I am addicted to food - and I am using food to supress any and all feelings I have. SO this blog is going to be my attempt at stopping this behavior and putting me on the path to a better me.